


Lover's Eyes

by Insolitasum



Category: Do No Harm (TV)
Genre: Depression, In the Heights timeline, Multi, Ruben deserves good things, Usnavis coffee can probably cure anything
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-07
Updated: 2017-10-16
Packaged: 2018-11-28 23:27:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,294
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11428473
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Insolitasum/pseuds/Insolitasum
Summary: Ruben is trying his best to start over in a new neighbourhood, far away from everything he's known.Sometimes it's hard and he doesn't think he can do it, but lately it seems like he doesn't have to do it alone anymore.Set at the beginning of In The Heights and I'm trying to make do with as little shifting around the timeline as possible.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is the first thing I've written in years, so please bear with me. I'm also not a native speaker, so please also bear with me if I make any mistakes or use weird words. I also appreciate if you point out my mistakes so I can correct them. :) 
> 
> This is inspired by all the great other ITH/DNH crossovers that are posted here. Thanks guys for getting me majorly invested in this OT3 and ruining my life. :D

The noise filtering in through his window is both utterly familiar and yet brand new. The phrases and the music are the same as they have been ever since he could think, but the voices are new, the accents slightly different and the piragüero has different flavours than the one back home. 

Sometimes it’s all too much for Ruben and then all he can do is sit on his bed, listening intently for the voices outside. Always expecting to hear Jason or Ian and having his heart beat out of his chest whenever he thinks he heard it, only to check in the slit in his curtains and realising that he - they? aren’t here and that they probably won’t ever find him here. At least that’s what his scientist brain tells him. He’s done the math. Albeit he needed to estimate most of the factors, he’s reassured that the chance of Ian finding him here is very, very slim.

Knowing that still only helps sometimes and as of yet not enough for him to actually dare leave his new apartment in Washington Heights, New York. He knows he needs to. He hasn’t eaten anything really substantial ever since he ate the last of the food his mom gave him after moving out. He thinks he ate about half, before it has gone bad. She also gave him some fruits and vegetables and he knows he needs his vitamins. He knows, but he can’t bring himself to move much from his bed and take care of his necessities. 

His mom still calls regularly, or writes him messages and right now his phone is on silent and he doesn’t want to look at it, doesn’t want to see and have to reply to the messages asking him if he’s alright, if he made friends already and how his job hunt is going. He knows he needs to reply, to get job hunting, the get himself out of this. He knows, dammit, but what good did all this knowledge ever do him? He doesn’t want to have to do anything and his mom can’t tell him what to do and yet there’s this little voice in his head telling him that he is being unfair and that this is all his fault anyway and why can’t he ever do anything right? Why can’t they all just shut up and leave him be in peace? He’s an adult and he’s so many miles away from everyone that cares. So why can’t they just let him be? 

With a huff he closes the book he’s been trying to read since he got up somewhere around midday. Today’s the day, he decides. He’s going to show everyone that he can do this, be a responsible adult and do… responsible things. Like cleaning out his kitchen and washing his clothes and getting new groceries and researching job opportunities. And maybe take a shower first. He puts on some merengue music and in a burst of energy hums along and dances to the bathroom. He avoids looking at himself, too disgusted with his unwashed hair and uncared for beard. And let’s not talk about the scars on his body that he won’t ever get rid of. Hair and beard he can do. 

He showers and then pays extra attention to his beard, trying to get it just right. Wear his cared for exterior as a shield, so no one would look weirdly at him. He picks out new pants and one of his better sweaters. One with slightly too long arms, so he can hold on to them and so they hide his wrists. 

He throws out everything in his kitchen - better safe than sorry - and makes a list of what he might need. 

He also collects his dirty clothes, starts the washing machine and then he runs out of excuses to actually go out and get new food. 

As soon as the doors to his building close behind him he feels like all the eyes in the street are on him. Which is probably paranoid, he knows. But he’s also the new guy in what seems like a tight-knit latino neighbourhood. So maybe not that paranoid. 

Still, he doesn’t take his eyes off his feet much, just enough to not run into anyone and make out the bodega sign he’s seen when he moved in. 

It’s late afternoon and approaching closing time and yet there’s music coming out of the windows and someone is talking very loud about someone named Nina, who is apparently expected back from California any minute, in the salon next to the bodega.

Inside the bodega some kind of reunion seems to take place and no one spares him a glance when he enters and looks around for the stuff he needs. It doesn’t take him long to find everything, the store isn’t very big but very well organised. He still pretends to look at the shelves for as long as it takes for all the people talking around the counter to clear out.

Just as he thinks he might be able to list all the items on the shelf, as well as all their ingredients, by heart, he hears the door close. He decides to wait a few more seconds, so it won’t seem like he just waited for them to leave, because that would be awkward, right?

The guy manning the register seems to be a little absentminded and definitely sleep deprived but he still has the warmest smile Ruben has ever received and he even hands him a coffee after Ruben has already put his money away. 

"On the house. You’re new around here.“ It doesn’t sound like a question, so Ruben just smiles.  
"Consider it a welcome-to-the-barrio-coffee.“ The guy says with a grand gesture and Ruben isn’t sure what he should do with that. He still thanks the guy wholeheartedly and wonders internally if it would be stupid to drink the coffee at this time of day with all the sleepless nights he’s been having without any coffee in his system. Still, because he isn’t known for the best decision making, he takes a sip and the warmth that spreads through him can’t be wholly explained by the warm water, he thinks. He smiles again at the guy, waves and hurries back to his place still careful as to not run into anyone. 

At night, when he lays in bed and reflects on the day he wonders how his feelings for this place could change so drastically just because of some dude in a hat in the bodega, a nice smile and a cup of coffee. Still, he decides to take it as a good omen. And that night, he dreams of a million different things but none of them are Jason or Ian and he thinks there’s the distinct smell of coffee waving through all of them. 

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This marks the official beginning of ITH, but Ruben is there, leaving his mark.   
> Lights up on Washington Heights.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really sorry for the long delay and this largely unedited chapter. I'll try to be better the next ones around. :)  
> Feel free to point out any mistakes, plot wise or just language wise - neither english nor spanish are my first languages.

The next morning Ruben feels more energised than he has felt all the mornings last year put together. He wakes to the thought of coffee and with his brain barely functioning so shortly after waking up, he just pulls on a random sweater, jeans and shoes and makes his way back to the bodega before he even realises what he’s doing.   
The fresh morning air breathes some life into his brain and for a moment he just stands there on the sidewalk in front of his building, seeing the morning light on the fire escapes, the quiet street and he drinks in the sounds and sights of early morning, and he feels his heart beat properly again for the first time in ages. 

He feels a spark of life he hasn’t felt in a long time, and he longs to stretch out his arms, to welcome the sun with as much space of his body as possible. And because no-one’s around he just does; stands there like a statue, just breathing and feeling.   
He startles a bit when he hears a commotion down the street and remembers his reason for the outing. Coffee. That’s his mission. 

He’s the first customer of the day, walking in right after the bodega-guy opened the store. He’s still too caught up in the feeling of morning, of a day beginning and bearing so many possibilities, that he doesn’t even think about going back home before anyone can notice him. That’s certainly a first. 

The guy hums along to some R’n’B song on the radio and raps full out along to the rap parts. Ruben is seriously impressed by the speed he can talk. And the guy doesn’t miss a single word. He’s not even deterred when he turns around and spots Ruben watching him from the door, without stopping, he waves him in and starts brewing a coffee. 

Ruben thinks that that’s probably the fastest anyone has ever put him on ease with being somewhere and he doesn’t hesitate to make his way to the counter.

When the song is finished the guy turns around, coffee mug in hand.   
„Hi! You’re the new guy, right? I’m Usnavi. Did you like your coffee yesterday or would you like it different? More milk? Less? You look like a two cream-one sugar kind of guy, that’s what I made yesterday.“   
'He doesn’t only speak really fast when he raps' Ruben thinks to himself, impressed. He’s a bit overwhelmed by the speed and can’t process all the information thrown at him all at once, but he’s also overwhelmed in a good way by all the kindness and openness the guy - Usnavi - has already shown him in only two short meetings.   
People always say that his face is an open book and he used to be annoyed by the lack of creativity, because people always say that exact same thing because they read it in some book and thought it was cute. Thing is, though, that he was never good at hiding any of his emotions and he fears that he’s not only blushing, but also smiling shyly and looking at ground like some girl in a Jane Austen novel. Not that all the women in Jane Austen novels are like that. Just, you know, expectations of women around that time and all…   
Ruben breaks out of the reverie with a start when the door opens again to reveal an old lady standing there. He chastises himself for getting lost in thought and being, once again, way too literal with figures of speech, even in his own head, and looks back up at Usnavi. 

„Two.. two cream and one sugar is great. But I mean everything is fine, whatever you have.“   
„Two cream one sugar it is. Hold on, phew, the milk has gone bad.“ And with that Usnavi dives behind his counter, rummaging around in his fridge just to realise that his fridge has broken and that all the things that are supposed to be cool aren’t anymore. 

The old lady announces herself with an enthusiastic „Ooo-oo!“ and Usnavi’s relief feels almost tangible to Ruben. Maybe he’s not the only one who has trouble hiding their feelings around here.   
The woman, who Usnavi calls Abuela, is quick to offer advise and a hug and after she’s left the bodega with a lottery ticket in hand, Usnavi seems much more relaxed and focused. 

„You know, coconut oil also has similar fatty acids to milk.“ The moment the sentence left his lips Ruben wants to hit himself that apparently his idea of small talk is spewing random science facts, and judging by the look on Usnavi’s face he has no idea what to do with that fact.

„I just mean… uh… it’s just - if you don’t have milk you can put coconut oil in the coffee. It um tastes a bit like coconut, I mean obviously, because, I mean, it is coconut, right? But… it does the same thing that uh milk does in coffee.“ Ruben feels his face getting hot and looks down at his shoes embarrassedly, in his mind already searching for the best abort-and-escape strategy for this meeting. 

But Usnavi seems to think that’s nice information and tells Ruben to wait a second, he’ll be right back. So Ruben waits and prays that no one else will enter the store, he’s had enough awkwardness for now. He listens to Usnavi rummaging around in the back of the bodega and takes the time to have another look around the little store. Back home he and his mom used to go to the corner store, their tienda where he could still map out perfectly where everything was. He never needed those marks in doorways to know how much he’s grown. He marked it by which shelves he could reach in their tienda, so this right here seems so right and wrong at the same time. He recognises most of the brands and products, it even smells almost the same sans the coffee, of course. And yet. And yet it was all wrong. The layout was all wrong. The coffee machine. All the light. He misses that time, his childhood, his familia, his normalcy so much it aches sometimes. Hates Jason much more from what he took from him than the scars that he’ll always have to carry. 

Right. But he’s in New York now. And he’s here to build a new life, not to cry over what he’s lost. And maybe, if he keeps telling himself that, he’ll be able to do that someday. For now not getting lost in past memories might help. So he grounds himself back in reality, in the feeling of the counter under his fingers, the smell of coffee, the brightness of the lights aaaand the opening of the door of the bodega. So much for hoping. In through the door comes a couple who Ruben estimates in their forties or fifties. He’s really not good at estimating ages at all though. He frequently gets it terribly wrong and ever since he seriously offended his mom’s great-aunt’s son’s wife or something by making her 20 years older than she actually was, he refrains from guessing people’s ages.   
He’s considering to exit the store as silently and quickly as possible in order to avoid any more social anxiety, but then again Usnavi told him to wait and he made him coffee and it would just be very rude to leave. 

In that moment Usnavi comes back into the store anyways. Even if Ruben hadn’t seen him, he probably would’ve been able to tell, the room just feels different if Usnavi’s there, much more vibrant and full of energy. Not that he’d ever admit to thinking like that. He probably would though, maybe. He’s never been good at concealing anything, really.   
Usnavi is grinning wide, triumphantly holding two cups of coffee in his hands. How he does that without burning his fingers is beyond Ruben.   
„I’ve tried it and I approve. Here ya go. On the house, because you, my friend, might just have saved this little business.“ Ruben laughs at the exuberance and takes his coffee gratefully. For both the coffee and the chance to finally getting out of people’s way without potentially causing offence. So, with a sincere „Thank you“ he’s out of the door and inside his apartment faster than he would’ve thought possible. 

He has always been a pretty isolated guy, but he used to very much enjoy hanging out with people for a while. But he hates first times and right now they’re causing him even more anxiety than they did before. Those few minutes down there in the Bodega exhausted today’s capability for meeting new people, so when he gets back home, he changes into more comfortable clothes, opens his window and sits down at his kitchen table.   
He likes how all the sounds of the neighbourhood still drift in through the open window and right now he’s not even listening to that one voice that haunts his nightmares. No, today he can’t help but smile at the thought of the bodega guy - Usnavi, he reminds himself - and the exuberant energy he can’t contain. The coffee warms him from the inside out. It’s perfect and has a slight taste of coconut but he likes it. Always has. 

Ruben thinks that Usnavis energy just might have been transferred to him via the coffee or something, because he finds himself browsing through various job markets on the internet and even filling out forms for the ones that seem most interesting. It’s mostly teaching jobs and the odd lab. is Resume is mostly up to date and even his old picture will still do. Or has to do, he’s not quite prepared to get a new picture taken. 

With the Usnavi-coffee-energy still propelling him forward he sorts through his groceries and considers cooking one of his mom’s favourite dishes. He’s overcome with the desire to call his mom and to talk to her about all his little victories today. Lately, he hasn’t had a ton of good news for her and he knows she worries so much about him. He knows she hates that he moved to New York, doesn’t quite understand why he had to. He dislikes talking to her on the phone most days, because there’s just nothing new to say, but today, today he did something, met new people, wrote some applications. Today is a good day. But his mom is at work this time of day and even though he’s aware that she’d take a break for him, he doesn’t want to disrupt her schedule or get her in trouble, so he doesn’t. Instead, he goes out to the fire escape, that also kind of feels like sharing of energies at least. He’s surprised by the commotion going on down the street just outside the bodega.   
He thinks he can make out Usnavi in the middle of it, looking at something, holding it out to others for inspection. Ruben is curious what is going on, but not enough so to consider going down and checking it out. He just keeps watching like those old ladies that hang out of windows, gossiping about so-and-so’s daughter’s husband’s sister and the guy from the bakery. 

He’s witnessing just how tight-knit this neighbourhood is and feels a little pang. There’s obviously history there and he’s not sure he’ll ever fully fit in and be a part of it. Part of him longs desperately for that though, for the love and the community. He thinks it’s beautiful and unique, the boisterous dinners, the salsa dancing and the open hearts.

The crowd starts to disperse until only the old lady, Usnavis Abuela, sits on the stoop and starts feeding the birds. It’s a nice and peaceful image and had he any artistic talent, Ruben might be tempted to preserve that image on paper. As it is, he just goes back inside, not sure what to do next. It’s only 3 in the afternoon, so neither cooking, nor sleeping seem like viable options. He keeps busy for a little while, but nothing seems to be able to hold his focus for long, more often than not he catches himself thinking about another coffee and another small talk with Usnavi. 

He knows he’s tempting fate leaving his apartment for the second time today, but he’s been good today, so why not use that, right? And maybe that coffee has some addictive substance in it and the need for it is overriding all the good sense he has. 

So he finds himself back at the bodega, where Usnavi, a younger guy and a woman with very curly hair are currently all standing around the counter, Usnavi with an arm over the woman’s shoulder and a sympathetic expression on his face. Ruben stops in the door, suddenly not so sure whether it was a good idea to come back, he had temporarily forgotten that there’s more people frequenting the little store than just him. But Usnavi seems to have a third sense for people entering his shop, because before Ruben can turn around Usnavi spots him, and his entire face lights up, which makes Ruben blush. Again. Why can’t his damn blood just stay away from his cheeks?

„Hey! New guy, meet Nina! Nina, meet new guy.“ Usnavi announces, while gesturing between him and the woman, much to the dismay of the younger guy.   
„And what am I? Chopped liver? Thanks cuz. I’m Sonny, the much neglected and underpaid cousin and coworker of Usnavi.“ Sonny smiles and waves at him, while Usnavi just rolls his eyes. 

Ruben can’t help but smile and wave in return.  
„Hi. It’s nice to meet you. I’m Ruben.“   
„So that’s your name! I wanted to tell all the people who gave me that coffee recipe, but you vanished before I could ask you your name. Nina, Ruben told me that coconut and milk have the same things and both work for coffee. It’s genius and tasty. Vanessa even approved.“ 

He’s blushing again, and feels strangely warm from Usnavis praise and Nina turns around to him, interested. „What kind of same things? Fatty acids? I think I’ve read something about that somewhere.“ 

Ruben nods, which causes a gleeful grin to appear on Usnavis face, and now it’s Nina’s turn to blush, because Usnavi goes on a rant about how super smart she is and how she goes to college in Stanford and how she’s going to change the world someday. Ruben sees Nina’s face shifting, from full of love to slightly overwhelmed to something akin to despairing and even though he’s never met Nina before and he has no idea what exactly it is that makes her despair, he feels so empathetic, because that used to be him and his mom all the time while he was at college. She was so proud of him, and he couldn’t ever bring himself to tell her when he was struggling or having problems, because she was so happy and so proud.   
So Ruben just smiles at her and tries to show her that he understands without interrupting Usnavi or pressuring Nina to talk about something she maybe doesn’t want to talk about. 

He thinks, hopes at least, that Nina gets it, even though she makes a rather fast exit after telling the guys that she’ll see them at the dinner. She even turned to Ruben to tell him that it was nice to meet him and that if he wants he should come to the dinner, too, her mom makes more than enough food anyway.

She’s out the for before Ruben can say anything, but he suspects that he wouldn’t have been able to say anything anyway, he was still way too stunned at the invite. Hadn’t he been just musing about that a few hours ago? He feels his face doing things and he knows Usnavi is seeing it, because he’s making the biggest eyes at him and hadn’t Sonny spoken up, Ruben suspects he might have started to cry right there in the middle of the Bodega. 

„Yo cuz, Imma go and see what’s up.“ And with that it’s just Ruben and Usnavi in the bodega again. Well, Rubens body. His mind is still stunned at what just happened. 

„You should come, you know, if you want to. Get to know the Barrio and Camila’s food is heaven.“ 

„I… I don’t know. Maybe.“  
„You don’t have to, of course. I’ll save you some leftovers. No one should go without having tasted her cooking. It’s a crime!

„Anyways, your coconut-coffee was a hit and as a thank you you get free coffees here whenever you want. IF you don’t tell any other bodega owner your secret recipe that is. Deal?“ 

Ruben isn’t sure what to do with all these feelings that bubble up inside him. He doesn’t think he’s ever felt so much at the same time. He suspects his face is a constant shade of read, but he nods, even holds out his hand, and declares „Deal.“   
„It’s not a secret recipe though, all Chem students learn about that in College.“

Usnavi effectively ignores his remark by handing him another coffee. And Ruben tries to hide his blush by taking a sip. Usnavi’s coffees always have the perfect temperature to just drink them straight away, and Ruben notices that Usnavi has been tinkering with the ingredients a bit. It’s the best coffee he’s ever tasted. He knows he thought that yesterday as well, but it’s just still true. He’s amazed and congratulates himself on the deal he just made. Clearly, he’s at the better end of the deal. 

While he’s savouring his coffee, Usnavi keeps up a steady stream of conversation and tells Ruben about all the people in his life and this neighbourhood. He doesn’t expect Ruben to chime in or do anything other than listening and enjoying his coffee and Ruben is very grateful for all of it. Somehow, it is impossible to feel too awkward in Usnavis presence and he feels himself relaxing, smiling and nodding along. When he’s finished his, Usnavi offers him another coffee, but Ruben declines, knowing how giddy and weird he gets with too much caffeine in his system. He stays anyway, just listening to Usnavi, watching him keeping busy around the store. It’s late afternoon and there are no customers for the moment, so it’s just the two of them. Ruben feels bad for not being helpful, but he also doesn’t want to say anything or be in the way, so he just stays at the counter, watches and nods.

It’s peaceful and mundane and with each minute his confidence grows that maybe he can grow to fit in here, to be happy and part of a community. It’s a good feeling.


End file.
